The nervous system
The Nervous System: Understanding the Patterns That Shape Your Life — and How Healing Begins
The nervous system is the hidden conductor of our lives. It shapes how we breathe, how we think, how we love, and how we respond to the world around us. Most of us move through life without truly understanding this extraordinary system — yet it’s the very reason trauma affects us so deeply, and the very pathway through which healing becomes possible.
When we talk about healing trauma, emotional reactions, anxiety, or overwhelm, what we’re really talking about is the nervous system learning to feel safe again.
The Miracle of the Nervous System
Your nervous system’s number one job is survival. It scans your environment — and your inner world — constantly, deciding whether you’re safe or in danger.
What’s miraculous is that the nervous system is adaptive.
It learns, it reshapes itself, and it responds differently when given consistent cues of safety.
This means you are never stuck.
You are never broken.
Your body is always trying to move toward healing, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
The Three Main States of the Nervous System
Although the nervous system is incredibly complex, we can understand its patterns through three main states within the “Polyvagal” framework:
1. Ventral Vagal — The State of Safety & Connection
This is the grounded, regulated state where you feel:
Open
Present
Creative
Connected
Curious
Calm in your body
This is the state where healing becomes possible because the body feels safe enough to process emotion, engage with others, and rest deeply.
2. Sympathetic — Fight or Flight
This is the activation state. It’s not “bad” — it’s designed to protect you.
But if chronic, it becomes overwhelming.
You may feel:
Anxious
Restless
Irritated or angry
Stuck in overthinking
Hypervigilant
Unable to relax
The body is full of adrenaline and energy — ready to run or fight.
3. Dorsal Vagal — Freeze, Collapse, Shutdown, Fawn
This state gets misunderstood. It’s not laziness or indifference — it’s the body protecting you from overwhelm.
You may feel:
Numb
Tired or heavy
Dissociated
Hopeless
Disconnected
“Checked out”
This is the body’s way of lowering the system to keep you safe when things feel too big, too fast, too much.
How We Get “Stuck” in These States
Unprocessed trauma, ongoing stress, inconsistent childhood experiences, or overwhelming events can cause the nervous system to get trapped in patterns meant for survival — long after the danger has passed.
We get stuck in:
Chronic sympathetic activation → anxiety, irritability, tension, hyper-independence
Chronic dorsal vagal collapse → depression, numbness, disconnection, exhaustion
Cycles between the two → fight > collapse > fight > collapse
These patterns are not your fault.
They are the body’s last-resort strategies to keep you alive.
The Healing: Learning the Language of Your Nervous System
Healing the nervous system begins with recognizing its patterns — not judging them.
The moment you understand why you react the way you do, something softens inside you. Compassion becomes possible.
Here’s the truth most people never hear:
Your body wants to heal.
The nervous system is designed to return to safety, but it needs support, patience, and new experiences to guide the way.
Healing begins when you:
Learn your triggers and cues of overwhelm
Build practices that bring you back into your body
Slow down enough to feel sensation safely
Use breath as a bridge between the survival brain and the conscious self
Engage in movement that discharges stored energy
Practice connection with safe people or community (Sangha)
Create healthy boundaries to protect your capacity
Offer compassion to the parts of you still in survival mode
Each cue of safety — a grounding breath, a nurturing relationship, a moment of presence — rewires the system gently.
You Are Not Stuck — You Are Learning
The nervous system is miraculous because it is plastic — meaning it can rewire, re-learn, and reshape itself throughout your entire life.
The more you understand your patterns, the less you fear them.
The more you respond with compassion, the safer the body feels.
And the safer the body feels, the more space you create for true healing.
Your nervous system is not your enemy.
It is your oldest protector.
And with awareness, support, and practice, it can become your greatest ally.
Books on the Polyvagal Theory & Nervous System Basics
“Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory” by Deb Dana
The most accessible introduction to Polyvagal Theory — warm, compassionate, and easy to understand.“Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection” by Deb Dana
A practical, hands-on guide filled with simple daily practices to regulate the nervous system.“The Pocket Guide to Polyvagal Theory” by Stephen Porges
For readers who want a more scientific understanding from the founder of the theory, written in an approachable Q&A style.